You work out of a Hotel?
i already hear my dad disowning me
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
