you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
