ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
