Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
