You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
