Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
