Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
