Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
