I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
nut hugger
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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