She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
