my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
she told me i tasted like america
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
