I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
