I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
