One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
