If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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