I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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