I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
