i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
