I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize