went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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