Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
