yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
