i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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