you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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