He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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