I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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