I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
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