i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
