i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
