The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
