Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
