I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
