I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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