I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
