So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
