are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
