Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
