pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
