he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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