The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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