walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
