Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
