Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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