worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
