You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
