I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize