I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
