awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
