she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
