My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
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