he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
