Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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