the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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