I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
