I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
