I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Randomize
