Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
