I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
