i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
