I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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