your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
