oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
