ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
