My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
