I love having hate sex.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
