dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
