Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
