I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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