great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i came on her dog
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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