Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
